Long Ago Friends!

Today’s story is not about long lost dead relatives, okay maybe there’s a little bit of that, but they aren’t mine (or my husband’s!). This blog is about using genealogical research skills to connect two long lost living friends, my dad and his elementary school best friend, Randy.

Dad and His Friends

My dad in front of his elementary school a few years ago on a trip with my sister back to Ridgewood, NJ

Dad visiting his childhood home

Anyone who has ever talked with my dad knows that he absolutely LOVED the years of his youth spent in Ridgewood, NJ. He loved everything about it. He loved his house. He loved dinner every Sunday with his Italian Nana and Pop and his cousins in Elmsford. He loved his Willard Elementary school, and his friends! My grandfather’s job relocated the family to the midwest when my dad was around 10 years old and he lost connection with all of his playmates and elementary school chums. (Not quite like now where it would be easy to stay connected, if you wanted to.)

My dad's Italian family in Elmsford, NY
My dad is the oldest boy in the front row.

He’s still connected with his first cousins who were about his age. But for years, dad has talked (and wondered) about “what ever happened to X friend?” He asked “Couldn’t the computer be used to help find my friends?” He would also wonder if THEY would even remember him or if they wondered about him. (Chances are that people would have a hard time tracking down my dad because around the same time that they moved, my grandfather changed their last name to a less Italian sounding one.) He was the kid that moved away and his friends' lives went on without him. Except one, who moved away before him…Randy Butler.

Finding a Friend

Just over a year ago, one of my daughters was visiting my dad when he asked, “I wonder whatever happened to Randy Butler? He was my best friend in elementary school and his family moved away to Alabama the year before my family moved. I think Randy’s dad was a lawyer.” Okay, what are the chances that you find a Randy Butler in the US? Pretty good, it’s a common name. What are the chances that you find THE Randy Butler? Hmm…not so much. And how do you know it is actually the one?

Being the dutiful granddaughter, she took him up on the challenge. Within minutes, my daughter Googled and came up with Charles R. Butler (the R stands for Randolph) in Alabama and a photograph. Okay, really? Could this be him? My daughter showed the photo to my dad and he said, “Yeah, that looks like him.” My daughter texted me and asked if I could help track down Randy’s address so my dad could reach out. Ooh, hold your horses. Let’s slow down.

My dad gets excited by things and I thought before we get too far down this path of reaching out to him that we might just want to verify that this Charles R. Butler is the Randy Butler of my dad’s youth. 

I noticed the birthdate of this man was the same as my dad’s.

         “Dad, did you know that you two had the same birthdate?” 

          “No.”

          “Dad, don’t you think you would have known if you and Randy had the same birthdate?”

          Shrug. 

Now, I think if my “best” friend had the same birthdate that I would know about it! Maybe elementary school boys didn’t care about things like matching birthdays?

So I hopped on to Ancestry.com and searched for a Randy Butler in Ridgewood, NJ with a birthdate around my dad’s. Whoop, up pops the 1940 Census in Ridgewood, NJ complete with Charles R. Butler Sr. (lawyer) and newborn Charles R. Butler, Jr. I asked Dad if this was the street that Randy lived on but he wasn’t sure. He knew how to get to Randy’s house, but didn’t really remember the street name.

Okay, but let’s do a little more research. Why Alabama? Did this Butler family really move to Alabama? In the 1950 Census they are still living in Ridgewood and the 1960 Census isn’t available yet. A little more searching of marriage certificates and other things available through Ancestry.com indicated that this man’s maternal grandmother was originally from Alabama and in 1962 (according to the Social Security Death Index) his mother was living in Alabama. 

Connecting Long-Lost Friends

I did lots more searching, but I was already convinced that Randy Butler, my dad’s friend, was this same man my daughter found. But how good of friends were they? Would Randy even remember my dad?

My dad said he has a photo of Randy. He shows me the photo and I am convinced of two things. One, given the pose Randy has in the photo with his arm draped around my dad, he did at least like my dad at the time, not sure if he’ll remember him 70 years later (!!) though, and two, Randy is DEFINITELY the same man in the Google photo. You know how some people are recognizable in photos throughout their entire lives?!

My dad is pretty old fashioned when it comes to communication. He doesn’t have a cell phone (unless you count the flip phone he keeps in the car for emergencies but doesn’t always remember how to use it), nor does he have an email address. He wants to write a letter, of course. So we need a US mailing address. Well, Ancestry.com comes through again with an address from 1995. Might be a little outdated, but a Googlesearch confirms we have the right address.

My dad sends a lovely letter “Dear Randy….” signed “Donny” and encloses a copy of the photo. Within one week (through US mail!), my dad has a letter back from Randy, saying “Dear Donny…of course I remember you!....Randy” (although no one else calls me Randy!) 

Amazing! 

Through birthday greetings, letters, email (Randy sends them to my mom's email!), and the phone, these two friends who haven’t seen or heard from one another in over 70 years have reconnected! Although they haven’t made an in person visit, they have caught each other up on their families and lives since 1950. It’s truly a beautiful thing. And it was all because of research skills developed from genealogy.

Fast Forward to Today

So why does this come to mind today? Well, when I was doing research on Randy’s family to verify he was really my dad’s friend, I learned a lot about his family. He had some knowledge and background but he didn’t know much about his grandmother’s family. I spent one evening searching and found that his grandmother was a member of the social organization, Daughters of the Revolution. So while I was on my family history road trip, I stopped in to the DAR Library.

DAR vs. D of R 

I knew at the DAR Library that while you are on their premises you can look up (free of charge) anyone’s DAR Application and look through their lineage. Since I was already going to be at the library, I put looking up Randy's grandmother's application on my list of things to do.

Her application wasn’t there. I couldn’t find it. I couldn’t even find reference to that DAR Chapter in Ridgewood, NJ!  I needed help.

After a concerted effort on the part of both me and the DAR Librarian, she offered a possible solution. Are you sure that this was a DAR Chapter and not in the Daughters of the Revolution of 1776 Organization? What? There’s a different one? Yep. Now defunct.

I looked to the newspaper article that I had about his grandmother and sure enough it said “Daughters of the Revolution”, but my mind had jumped straight to assuming it was DAR! Well, what do you know, there is another whole other organization that might be useful in research! FamilySearch knows all about it and have links to where you can look up members/applications. 

So, in a matter of seconds (once I made it to the right page), I had the Application/Membership number along with which patriot she was related to. The Suffolk County Historical Society Museum is the keeper of these records, so you can just fill out their application along with the copying/look up fee and a self addressed stamped envelope and they will send you the application. This was several weeks ago. 

Today was the reward! Four 8.5” x 14” copied sheets of paper that look much like a DAR application complete with names and dates back to the Revolutionary War Patriot! This application actually included two more generations beyond the Patriot.

I just love family history and the hours of fun it provides me! And the joy it brings to others, like Dad and Randy connecting again after 70 years!